Walk with me
Maybe you, or someone you know seems to over-apologize. We have all met people who say that they are "sorry" when it isn't entirely their fault. Someone will bump into them, and they will say, "sorry." Someone will make a reasonable request and they will say, "sorry." If this sounds familiar to you, you are not alone.
Saying "sorry" too much is common. However, over apologizing can undermine your self-worth and your capacity to live a full life. If you find yourself being "sorry" too much, you need to develop strategies to help you stop. Don't be... SO SORRY!
Common traits of people who are "so sorry."
They are compassionate: Many people who struggle care a lot about the feelings and preferences of others. Because they are like this, they find themselves apologizing for things even when they have done nothing wrong.
They are submissive in relationships: Often people who struggle give the other person the message that they feel like it is wrong to have their own thoughts or needs.
They are agreeable: When people care about keeping the peace and avoiding conflict they struggle and can be more likely to say "sorry" more than is needed. They would rather apologize than instigate a fight.
They lack confidence in their judgement: Many who struggle are not confident that what they are doing or saying is right. They often just assume that they are in the wrong.
They come from a strict background: If one has spent their childhood in fear of discipline this can cause them to struggle to be trigger-happy with their apologies.
They have anxiety: When people struggle with anxiety, they can be sensitive to the idea of a situation or relationship going wrong. As a result, they may struggle and apologize a disproportionate amount.
WAYS TO BE HEALTHY:
Simple things to try so you don't have to be "so sorry."
Try to pause before you apologize: Before you apologize ask, "Have I done something wrong?" If not, don't say "sorry."
Try to express compassion differently: Instead of apologizing say something to show compassion like, "I know this is difficult."
Try to know what your triggers are: Brainstorm what makes you want to apologize. Think of something you can say instead and try to focus on eliminating "sorry" from that context.
Try to Phrase questions carefully: Don't say "sorry" when you just need clarification. Say something like, "Can you please help me understand this better?"
Try to turn apologies into gratitude: Think of a way to rephrase it into a statement of gratitude. Say something like, "I am grateful you helped me out!", instead of saying, "I am sorry you had to go and pick up my son." This focuses your mind on positivity and thankfulness.
This is something that I struggle with at times. This post contains some information and tips that I am currently working through in my own journey towards increased health. I owe a lot of thanks to many resources that have been helpful to me and may be for you as well.
Leave a Reply.
Ryan A. Weaver is the Lead Minister at the Church of Christ at Treaty in Wabash, Indiana where he resides with his wife Kayla and their three children.